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I am a virus in the mega-computer of Tokyo. Residents choose to click ‘Ignore’ rather than ‘Solve’ or (thankfully) ‘Quarantine’.

There are quite literally zero (rei) eyesores.

Vending machines serve everything. Shops are merely a collection of varied vending machines.

Pachiko seems a popular method of wasting cash.

‘Happy Hour’ for an encounter with Japanese Girls stars at 10am.

My lie in was needed, but – in contrast to Japanese culture – unplanned.

J-Music deserves a better Western reputation.

Sake tastes identical to home-brew Vietnamese rice wine.

Tokyo is not the ‘city of opposites’, but rather a place of harmonies.

Fish fish fish fish fish, eating fish.

Grannies can operate vending machines.

Onsen are vital after 12hrs city walking.

Designer everything. Utterly inspirational.

My hair deserves increased attention here.

Why is this fish museum so heavily concerned with a bridge. I fear I may be mistaken in my map reading. However: free postcards!

This park is stunning.

Drinking water fountains are springs of joy.

Shinkansen seats are facing backwards. No, wait, a pink-uniformed team are flipping them to face forwards.

Arriving in Delhi: Like falling out of a second floor window onto a rubbish heap. Arriving in Singapore: Like falling out of a second flood window onto thin AstroTurf. Arriving in Tokyo: Like falling out of a second floor onto a neat pile of fluffy, colourful pillows.

My can of beer is actually some kind of whiskey.

For the second time, my train leaves one minute later than scheduled. I feel cheated.

Enter train carriage. Walk to front. Bow. Announce assorted products. Walk back down aisle. Bow. Walk back to front. Bow. Exit train carriage.

Waitresses bow, smile and chatter just for me. However, I fully believe the performance would continue even with no customers present.

Pachinko pinball is a fascinating way to waste cash.

The restrictions on my JapanRail Pass force me to change trains three times rather than using a direct service. Surely that’s a bit hard on confused-foreigner-me?

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